Monday, 29 December 2014

Christmas Memories, Goodies and Plentiful Amounts of Food!


Good evening, Happy in-between Christmas and New Year time! 

Although it's lovely enjoying the build-up to Christmas: trimming the tree, buying (then eating) all that yummy, totally-terrible-for-you food, seeing friends and family; choosing and then wrapping gifts. It all soon comes cascading down; a landslide even, from a great height once boxing day is done with.........and everyday since that day has felt like a Sunday. I'm in limbo.......Gav and I both have considerable time off work over the holiday period; we have plans for our time off - well, more accurately, I have plans! Plans to do some DIY around the house mainly: yet neither of us can be bothered to do anything. I'm tired of sitting in front of netflix every evening strained for something semi-decent to watch - and then after the fact think: can I actually be bothered now? and then there's the MASSIVE dish of chocolates twinkling in all their gem coloured good(bad)ness - why must you taunt me so?

So yes, Christmas is behind us for another year........and as I sit here now, warm and cosy in my oversized elephant jumper which (I hope) covers and hides a multitude of sins; I can't help but feel restless - just waiting it seems, for I know when the 1st January comes things will be getting back to normal: I'll resume my usual healthy (mostly) eating plan, I'll chuck in some extra workouts - I'm actually doing a bootcamp thing too. We'll all go back to work, school...the usual routines of life and I think I will feel happier, more certain, settled.

I have however been back and forth to the post office sending out vintage goodies for my shop - so at least that has given me an excuse to get dressed most days HA!

I've received some beautiful presents this year though........a gorgeous parasol (which I fully intend to use in the summer: picnics on the river anyone?), a bottle of Hollister perfume which I've wanted for over a year now; I received a massive soap and glory gift set from the Hinge as well as S&G perfume and makeup. Soaps and smellies and plenty of chocolate. Wow, my friends and family know me too well!

So I suppose this will be my last blog post in 2014 - I'll see you all again next year :)











Friday, 19 December 2014

Thoughts of Diaries and Journals and Things........


These past few weeks I've been keeping a personal journal........does that sound utterly egocentric and old-fashioned? Do people still keep a journal nowadays? Well, anyway; the idea came about whilst reading Dracula (in fact, I'm still mulling my way through Dracula) - I've kept a diary at times throughout my past......but ended up forgetting to write in it: leaving me with lots of empty date pages, etc, etc. I just found keeping a daily diary too much of a commitment - a bit like attempting to blog daily I guess! So, aforementioned Journal seems like a happy compromise for me.
Mostly I've been using it to rant and moan; it seems that this is happening a lot lately...the moaning that is.........but only in my journal - I try hard not to inflict other with the wrath of my annoying, stress ridden moods.

It seems the overall theme in the journal recently revolves around how I'm feeling physically: fitness levels, weight - the usual really........I feel that since I turned 35 last month I've gained another half stone (well, actually: I know I have gained a half stone.......the scales told me so) my skin is looking and feeling really crappy and oily (yet somehow dry) and I'm fed up of getting spots. Also, I've noticed that my back is aching more when lifting or........getting out of bed (eeeek!!) - I'm lacking energy and I'm generally puffy all over. Ugh, shall I go on? I could, but I won't........these are merely the skimmings, a superficial glance of the drivel my journal contains - pretty much!

Hey - maybe if I ever write an interesting, less self absorbing entry, I'll post it here (smiley face!) ................I know, I know, I can practically hear you thanking me ;)

I plan to achieve A LOT next year, maybe too much........I'm definitely going to to start running again (like at least 3 times a week) that's for sure! But for now, I'll just enjoy Christmas and New Year, then I'll find my motivation, slap him over the head and be F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S in time for summer! Plan? Plan.......

Do you want to achieve something next year? personal, work or life goal?

Monday, 8 December 2014

Luck and Love and all Things Off-Topic (Again)



It's a funny thing isn't it? Luck.

It seems everyone has had some, at some point, to some degree. We've all heard the stories of the obnoxious kid who didn't try overly hard at school, yet aced his exams and landed the big city job; penthouse apartment and the perfect wife?! Is this just luck, or something deeper? Something more?
Some say: We create our own luck! True? Possibly, I'm no expert - in fact, I question these common inspirational sayings myself all too often.

It is true however, that personal mood and perspective can orchestrate a lot of what can happen, or in fact, does not happen.

When we're happy and confident, we can project a certain radiancy; a 'glow' about us. This in turn can magnetise your persona making you lucky enough to create opportunities for yourself. Opportunities of friendship, job offers and love.

I know this better than most. I've had friendships flourish and fail many times because of my moods and confidence.

Before I was diagnosed with bipolar back in 2011, I was tired and exasperated with my life, feeling constantly out of control; anxious to some degree. Not because of the condition itself, but because I lacked an understanding of what was happening to me. For years I'd been confused by my erratic behaviour: One month I'd make 10 new friends, I could talk and laugh about anything and everything - I was the life a soul. I felt on top of the world. Energetic and utterly brilliant! I'd always be doing something productive, achieving something! Life seemed easy and I felt no boundaries. I was happy.

Then out of nowhere, things would change. I'd panic when being spoken to, fretting about what to say, how to react. I'd stay in bed all weekend and worry about insignificant things. I'd obsess about my weight and how I looked. Hating myself more and more for the changes I couldn't understand -  couldn't control.
For years these polar opposites dictated what I did, where I went and who I was. I could never understand why I couldn't be happy most of the time, or at least one or the other  - then I could build a life for myself! Was I being punished for something?

Why did I have to flake out and break down when I'd overwise been fine; when there was nothing there to trigger it?!

But my point is: When I was happy I never worried about the little things, never obsessed about my weight, or wondered what others thought of me. I became free - and lucky again in life. I've had many an opportunity come my way when I've been happy; jobs offers, new friends and a happy loving relationships.

Since my diagnosis, I've learned to understand and accept myself more. However, I do find myself holding back in life, in general: I find myself deliberately turning down amazing offers and opportunities - mainly because I'm scared to commit - fearing that if I took a risk, I wouldn't be able to see it through and in turn I'd let everyone down. I've been turning my back on luck. Luck that I've earned? Maybe, I don't know.

I do feel lucky for many things though: I'm grateful of my family and our health, the home that we've created and enjoy living in; to the friends that have supported me through the good and the bad. I'm grateful for the great things that I have in my life. The constant luck and love that envelopes me everyday of every year.

Yes, this is deep.

You're probably wondering where the relevance is perhaps: of the picture to this post?! Well, I suppose I went off on a tangent right from the beginning.

I was going to talk about exercise and fitness over Christmas - Eeeeeek, majorly off-topic there!!

Right now, I'm happy......and, may I add: happily eating my way through too much chocolate - I need to go running! Happiness needs a balance ;)

But that's another post!