Reflecting On The New Year and The Old One.......

With the last few hours of 2013 upon us; we see the greater part of humanity, reflecting and planning. Through personal blogs and social media updates, we see lists growing and expanding, everyone seemingly wanting a little bit of something else. We see a brief glimpse into the soul of the author and what he represents: looking both back, and forward over the year, reflecting like a mirror on achievements and regrets, on friendships, relationships and probably the most predominant of all - on love. We're busy planning a new future, to become, or to find a better sorta person. I am no exception.

Unlike some years, 2013 will not be a year I'll forget easily. I really wouldn't want to. It could never be another 'uneventful' time in my life where time has crept away, undocumented and misplaced. 2013 will always be there. 2013 will never be the dust under the carpet, always the fluff in the corner of the room that reappears soon after sweeping. Always there. I will accept that fluff, learn to live with it.

My life has changed in many ways this year, through tragedy and through joy. From the passing of my brother, my Nan, my uncle, life has dealt some challenging blows. Sometimes it has been hard to see a simple delight through the tears. Other times have seen me remorseful for choosing life over torment. But I have learned a lot. I have become a better, if not preferred person through it, I think.

I don't want to make a big list of resolutions for myself, to: Drink less, exercise more, help others, be more confident, be less shy, lose weight, walk the dog more (although this would be a good one). Who doesn't want to change things in their lives? But who wants a dominating list in the form of a piece of paper stuck to their fridge, which will inevitably gather little sticky, jam fingerprints all over your 'Top Ten to Make Me a Better Person' rules for 2014?
Nope, not me that's for sure, I'd like to believe that changes are more than a list. I don't want to feel like crap come mid-February when I realise, I've broken everything I'd set out to change and my discoloured (and sticky), originally 'helpful' list just serves as a consistent reminder of my failure. I know me, I know I cannot stick to a list; I will not be dictated to, even by myself. Odd I know.

I'd like to believe that if I wanted something to change that much, from deep within I will make it happen. Why? because if something is wanted so, so much it will always be on the forefront of your mind. A list built into the core of my being.

So this, this is my 'deep within', this is my unusual take on what I want:
I want to remember the good times we had; I want to make new memories in your honour.
I want not to be scared of life; I want to be able to hold my head high, be proud of what I've achieved and appreciate the good times to come. I want to value everything that matters and easily dismiss anything that doesn't. I want to be more honest with both myself and the people around me. 

Yes, New Year is a time for planning and reflection, I am no exception.

Happy New Year, thanks for reading along throughout 2013. I hope it's been an enjoyable experience? I also hope to see you all on the other side, resolutions or no resolutions - I wish you the very best for your plans in 2014 :)